Where to begin?!...
My life has changed drastically all within a matter of months. I wish that I could go into detail, but I have so much to say and not enough hours to write.
I stand in amazement of God’s continued provision and protection over me as I seek Him. I shudder to think of what my life would be like without His love, grace, and protection. I shudder to think about where I would be, who I would be with, and what I would be doing.
I have sat down to write this after a long, crazy, and overall tiring day. Today’s events have caused me to pause and listen. It was not a day that something HUGE happened, nobody died…well minus our class pets Gwendolyn and Winifred. Nothing out of the ordinary took place. I have been fighting what I thought to be allergies for the last couple days, but seems to be more of a head cold. So I woke up groggy and tired. I headed to work only to find out that like I mentioned earlier, my bunnies that I bought for my daycare children had died due to unknown causes! This broke my heart, but my day went on. I headed back to LCU and went through my normal three classes.
In my International Children and Youth Ministry class we discussed the topic of orphanages. This, as I am slowly learning, has become an issue that weighs heavily on my heart. This topic broke me. It tore me into pieces knowing that there were so many hurting children all across this planet that needed to be loved. They needed human affection. They needed, most importantly, direction towards a God who’s affection outweighs anything humans could give! I left the class speechless. I had no words (for those who know me well, know that this must have been crazy because I ALWAYS have words!) As I walked to my next class, I just silently cried out to God asking Him to be with the children that I had worked with in Ecuador at the Ark Children’s Home. I know that God is doing great things through Ron and Glenda Allan in Riobamba, but I also just wanted to say an extra prayer for those children who were to come to the orphanage in the future. This five minute trip to my next class gave me an opportunity to seek God’s comfort for a situation I knew that at the moment I had no control over.
The next class was my Social Issues for Youth Ministry Class. We talked about Love and Relationships with teenagers. We talked about how our view on love is skewed because of the media, music, and even our parents. We talked about God’s love and how powerful it is to not only share with others, but to bask in. It reminded me that like those orphans, I too had longed for human affection.
The last class of the day was my Hebrew History and Literature class where we talked about the proverbs. It was neat to see how God worked in men to give other men (or women) wisdom in many different passages/ways. I sat in my chair in awe of God’s willingness to reveal to men His wisdom at the right time and in the right situations.
I left that class and headed back to CCC (Christian Child Care) where we are busily working towards Accreditation. I continued to work on restructuring my classroom. I had about two and half hours by myself where I was able to work through the events of the day and reflect on what “wisdom” God had been revealing to me this October day.
The first thing was this, I had started my day expecting to depend on my own strength, and by waking up with this oddly timed head cold, I had failed to depend on myself. I was coughing, body was weak, and I had a massive headache. It took everything in me to get out of bed. Reflecting on this, I was embarrassed. I have known for a while now that I can do NOTHING by my own power, yet I still try. Why is that? Why do I still try and do things on my own. Even with something simple as my health. I realized that one day, I might not be “healthy” and I wont be able to get out of bed as easily, or my body wont always work like it use to. It was at this moment that I heard God say, “My son, I love you, now let me love you.” I thought to myself, “God, I am letting you love me.” “No, you are not. You are trying to love you.” I always thought that in order for God to love me, I had to work towards it. Even in allowing God to be sovereign. Even when I don’t allow God be my strength, it doesn’t make God any less strong. In fact it makes me weaker. While I thought I was doing things that were allowing God to love me, I was actually just standing in the way and trying to love myself.
The next thing God showed me was through the bunnies. Well not really through them, but through my kids at the daycare who grew to love them. A lot of my kids I work with (ages 5-12) are from foster homes. So when I got the bunnies, I was able to share with them that the children had something in common with them. For those who were not in a foster home, I shared with them that they were like the bunnies in the sense that they were away from their parents while they were at school, and for those who were in foster homes, I made it a little more personal. I said that just like the bunnies, the foster children were away from their mom or dad. I said that the bunnies were scared and just needed to be loved, so naturally those children made an instant connection with my kids. It was magical. It made me sad to know that they were gone now. But it also had provoked an opportunity to share with my children the brevity of life and the importance of knowing Christ and sharing him with others.
The last thing that I learned today came from a simple date with Julie. She drove down to Lincoln to help me a little in my classroom. (she originally also came to see my bunnies…..sadly those plans were changed abruptly). After we left CCC, we ordered a pizza from a local pizza place called stuffed-aria. It was an adventure trying to find where to pick the pizza up because I always just used delivery! But anyways, We picked up the pizza and a few Fanta Orange drinks and headed to Kickapoo park. We sat and ate our pizza and just talked, and then we went for a walk along the path and just dug deeper into each other’s lives. As we walked down the path, God spoke to me. Sometimes the path was muddy and kinda disappeared, or branches would poke out and prick me. Or sometimes, there would be a fork in the path and we had to choose which way to go. God showed me through this that in everyday we set out on a path like this. When we wake up we are immediately faced with a fork in our rode being “Do we depend on our own strength, and try and love ourselves….or do we depend on His strength and let him love us?” When we set out on these journeys, things block our path….like class pets dying or even to the extreme of parents getting their kids placed in foster homes. The path may also disappear on us where we are faced with questions like “Am I suppose to go into orphan care missions, or even something small like where the heck is that pizza place!?”
This is what I came up with. Julie was holding my hand as we walked down that winding muddy path. We helped each other get through the mud ruts and navigate back to the picnic tables. Julies hands reminded me of God’s word. God’s word guides us. It points us, and navigates through our lives. If we are open and attentive to it, God WILL use it to show us something about Him. It was a blessing having Julie there to hold my hand as we traveled through the “rough terrain” at Kickapoo Park. When the road was more narrow, we grasped tighter, and when the path was open and free, our arms were able to swing back and forth carelessly yet never letting go. It’s the same with God’s word. When the “path of life” gets muddy and narrow, grasp tight to God’s promise and God’s wisdom in His word! When life is going great, never let go of that promise and continue to seek after His word.
In the end, its not about the events of the day, its about the moments where God speaks and I listen.
God speaks…..
I listen.
Until The Whole World Hears,
Aaron Zapata
